Around the time my ego started to awaken, when I was about two or three years old, I remember suddenly thinking, "Huh? Why am I here? What was I doing just a moment ago?" I searched as hard as I could through my memories from before I was born, but I found nothing. Yet, I wasn't just confused by the lack of memories; I felt something like indignation that memories which should have been there were missing. It was a strange feeling, as if I had been doing something right up until a second ago.
I'm the same... In my case, I was dreaming. The beginning was unknown. Pitch black. Darkness and chaos. It was totally unknown, and then I woke up abruptly. At that exact moment, I thought: Who am I? Whose house is this? Where is this room? Where did all this knowledge come from? When I look back on yesterday's memories, they feel almost like someone else's. I still believe that my sense of ego started right from that moment. ...I wonder if reincarnation feels something like that?
They say age three is the absolute limit if you want to ask someone about things from before they were born... It sounds like you guys are rare individuals who actually remember the exact moment you crossed over from the other side to this side.
Maybe my experience is exactly the same. Actually, it's something I've been intensely curious about for a long time, but I could never put it into words, and I used to think I was the only one who could do this. In my case, I can actually trigger the kind of experience just mentioned by myself. Before going to sleep, I make my room pitch black, look at the edge of the wall, and keep thinking about things like "the meaning of my own existence." My thoughts would loop: "What I'm looking at right now is what I'm feeling, and this is reality..." When I do that, my memory blanks out for just a split second. And right after that, I fall into a state of self-consciousness "as if I were a stranger." It feels like these are my memories, yet they aren't my memories at all, and I start thinking: Where am I? Who am I? It gets terrifying. By the way, I'm 25 now and I haven't done it lately—or maybe I just can't do it anymore? But I could definitely do it whenever I wanted all the way up until I was in junior high, though sometimes it wouldn't work if I wasn't in the right state. Even though it's scary, I would always end up doing it anyway. I wonder if there's anyone else out there like me. I used to wonder if it was some kind of self-hypnosis, but I still haven't figured it out.
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